Why Not Take All Of Me?

"You took my kisses and all my love
You taught me how to care
Am I to be just remnant of a one side love affair

All you took
I gladly gave
There is nothing left for me to save

All of me
Why not take all of me
Cant you see
I'm no good without you
Take my lips
I want to loose them
Take my arms
Ill never use them
Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry
How can I go on dear without you
You took the part that once was my heart
So why not take all of me"

-Billie Holiday

I never imagined these feelings would devour me like this. I miss him so much. I miss us. I'm just going to continue to show him that I love him. That's all I feel that I can do.

You know I've never heard a better depiction of love than in the bible to this very day. I read 1 Corinthians 13 today for the first time in three years. It's really beautiful. I would like to love everyone like that. I'm going to read it every morning.


Good morning, heartache. What's new?

New Year Means New Resolutions

I have plenty of improving to do. I'm working on self-control most of all.
Here goes...

Resolutions for 2009:
-Stop shopping at Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters
-Delete my Myspace and Facebook
-Start sewing and knitting at least twice a week
-Work out 3 times a week
-Triple my book collection
-Practice bass and guitar at least 15 minutes a day
-Save $3000 for Chicago
-Focus on school and make good grades
-Write! Write! Write!
-Read a new book every two weeks
- Blog a lot more
-Work on not cursing and getting upset as much

I think that's it. I bought to great book of stories! I'm excited!

rant! rattle and roll!

I have no concept of time. I don't even notice how long or short a minute really is anymore. You're lazy because you don't want to work. That's what I've always been told, but I really do want to just experience life. I don't like occasionally looking outside the windows at work and watch the progression through the day. I want to be a part of it.
I want to disassociate myself with a lot of people. Honestly people that I wouldn't mind if I never saw them again. That's sort of sad to me, though.
The only person that I care about their opinion at this time is Aaron. I don't even want to get into writing about him. He's seriously my dream boy. He gives me a warm feeling when I think about him or look at a picture of him.
I know I let him down sometimes, but never intentionally. I just don't see it, but that's my fault. I should put myself in "other people's shoes."
I guess it's just overwhelming all the people that are visiting too. It seems even more scheduled. I just want to hide and do some things for me. The things I've been meaning to do lately. This is my winter break, but it doesn't feel like it.
haha look at how many "I"'s there are. I want to focus on me sometimes. If I won't, who will?
Joel told me to "curl up, fuck off and die" tonight on the way home. You know how you avoid those that you care about

Publish Post

telling you that. Avoid everyone. He was drunk, but it still hurt.
I'm so done ranting.

gotta go gotta go gotta go right now

I haven't written in here in almost a month. I've been on the go all the time, though. School and work are killer. The good news is that school will soon be over for the semester(which reminds me to sign up for classes tonight at midnight?)

Lee and I are really kick starting this zine. I don't think anyone knows how important this is to me. I'm finally starting my zine after the third(different people involved each time)try.

It disappoints me to think this, but I often question other people's passion for anything when they don't really act on it. You can't say you are something when you make no attempts in it. I understand people have big hearts and they want to do things for animals and humanity, but how are we going to get anywhere if we always put ourselves before anyone else?
It's not the thought that counts in this situation!
If there is something that you're passionate about it read about it, learn it, live it, breathe it, create it! Take action! If you commit to something, stick to it.

Attack!

I had the first panic attack of my life.
"Is this what dying feels like?"
funny, huh?
Fuck what I value!
schoolworkschoolwork
What a fuckin' tool!
Am I more fortunate than the homeless man that falls asleep gazing at the stars?
I would normally say yes, but right now it's the only thing I wish for

My Bucket List

In my Composition I teacher told us to make a Bucket List for a quiz grade so I did. These are 10 things I plan to achieve before I die, or kick the bucket.

1. Move to Spain
2. Graduate college, majoring in Journalism and Creative Writing.
3. Create my own popular magazine
4. Become a successful author and journalist
5. Start a semi successful touring music band
6. Open a music venue
7. Adopt at least one child
8. Learn as many languages (fluently) as possible.
9. Learn as many instruments as possible.
10. Become Vegan and stay that way.