rant! rattle and roll!

I have no concept of time. I don't even notice how long or short a minute really is anymore. You're lazy because you don't want to work. That's what I've always been told, but I really do want to just experience life. I don't like occasionally looking outside the windows at work and watch the progression through the day. I want to be a part of it.
I want to disassociate myself with a lot of people. Honestly people that I wouldn't mind if I never saw them again. That's sort of sad to me, though.
The only person that I care about their opinion at this time is Aaron. I don't even want to get into writing about him. He's seriously my dream boy. He gives me a warm feeling when I think about him or look at a picture of him.
I know I let him down sometimes, but never intentionally. I just don't see it, but that's my fault. I should put myself in "other people's shoes."
I guess it's just overwhelming all the people that are visiting too. It seems even more scheduled. I just want to hide and do some things for me. The things I've been meaning to do lately. This is my winter break, but it doesn't feel like it.
haha look at how many "I"'s there are. I want to focus on me sometimes. If I won't, who will?
Joel told me to "curl up, fuck off and die" tonight on the way home. You know how you avoid those that you care about

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telling you that. Avoid everyone. He was drunk, but it still hurt.
I'm so done ranting.